What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
