I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
