I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
