you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
