If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
