I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
