he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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