Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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