You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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