I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
