"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
