god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
