so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
