Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
