Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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