just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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