Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
