I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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