It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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