I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
