Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
