Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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