If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
