I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
