I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize