He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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