She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
