this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
