You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
