does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
