My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
