i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
