Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
