Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
