Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
