I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Quick, to the slutcave!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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