So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
