1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
