HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
