Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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