Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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