cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
