All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
