Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
