oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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