Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
