remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
