You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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