Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
