but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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