I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
