if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
