Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
