this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
