So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
