We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
