i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You left your phone here
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