I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize