just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize