he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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