Swine flu. Run for my life!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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