I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
