dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
