Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
