wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
