So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
