i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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