we have pet lesbian snakes
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
