Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
