Where did you get a picture of my penis
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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